Friends Til The End
by anistonfan
Summary: Hope you like this! I'd really love to hear from you guys! :")
1. Chapter 1 - TOW The Beginning of the End

_**CHAPTER 1 – TOW The Beginning of the End**_

It's about eight o'clock in the morning... only few minutes before I get in my car and drive to the place with lots of things unknown. I'm going to college! I'm scared as hell but what can I do? This is compulsory mainly because of my dad.

I look around my room and I can't help but shed a few tears. All right, you may be thinking that it's overly dramatic given that I'm only going to college. But it's not that. It's the photo I suddenly see as I move my eyes. That photo with a couple, hugging each other like they don't ever want to let go, with two girls and a guy looking at them like idiots. That couple's my parents. The onlookers? Me and my sibs.

It's been years since we were all together in one room. But it still hurts. Because no matter how much I wish and hope for it, and whatever I do, I know that I can never turn back time and change things anymore. It suddenly feels like an iron fist is holding my heart as I remember that day where it all started... the beginning of the end...

**Four years ago...**

Rachel was seated at the couch with her head on her hands, not knowing what to do with what just happened. Suddenly, two of her three children arrived.

"You had no right to do that!" Emma came in the room yelling, apparently at no one. Emma was her middle child, but she was actually her first-born. Rachel had no idea that Emma would grow up a bit boyish because of her, being involved in fashion. Emma did anyway.

Rachel looked outside and she saw her stepson, Ross's son with his first wife, approach. "Look, I was just trying to protect you." It was Ben, calm as ever, looking like her father more and more as days passed by. He was working and living in L.A but was with them for a vacation. He remained close to the family.

"No, you weren't! You hit him because you hate him, not for me!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Rachel already decided to chime in. Usually, when her 15 year-old daughter and her 22 year-old stepson had a fight, she just shrugged it off since they'd eventually kiss and make up. But she heard the word 'hit' and she knew something was really wrong this time. "Hit?" She looked at Ben. "What happened?"

"She hit my friend just because he hates him!" It was Emma who answered.

"He was making passes at you! What did you expect me to do?"

"He was not-"

Suddenly Emma and Ben were talking simultaneously.

"Okay, stop... Can both of you just stop for a while?" Both did. "As much as I'd like to settle this, the noise is really killing me. Look, why don't you just both go to your rooms? I'll just let your father handle this. I don't feel well." Rachel started to move away.

Emma and Ben looked at each other. "H-hey Rach, are you okay?" Ben said worryingly.

"I'm fine, thank you. Just... go to your rooms." She paused. "And please... stop yelling at each other."

When Emma and Ben were sure that Rachel couldn't hear them anymore, they started to bicker again... but because of what their Mom just said, this time, a whole lot softer.

"It's your fault!" Emma said first.

"How can that be my fault? You were the one who came in here, shouting like a maniac, telling her about the hitting—"

"I cannot believ—"

"What's going on?" It was Ross, who came out of nowhere.

"Oh god, Dad!" Emma said, startled. "Will you stop doing that? You scared me!"

"What did I do?" Emma hugged and kissed him. "Seriously, what's going on? You two fighting again?"

"It's—" Emma started to talk but Ben cut her off.

"It's nothing. We're fine. But I don't think Rachel is."

"Why? What happened to her?" He suddenly looked worried. "Where is she?"

"Relax, nothing happened," he paused a bit. "Well, none that we know of. But she didn't look fine. I think she went to your room."

**Back to the present time...**

When Dad was out of our sight, I didn't know why I suddenly felt like there was something wrong. Sure, there were a lot of times when I went home and Mom looked like she'd kill any of us anytime because of stress due to work or Dad. But there was something that day that told me nothing was normal. I didn't know why. All I knew was that my instincts were always pretty good.

The next thing that happened, I didn't know until Dad told me. When he did, I thought that it was already the most painful thing that could ever happen to me. I was wrong.

**Ross and Rachel's Room**

Ross slowly went in and he found Rachel sitting on their bed with her back on him. "Honey? I'm home..."

Rachel turned to him. "Hi..."

Ross went near her then gave her a hug and kiss. "What's going on? Ben and Emma told me you didn't look fine." Sure enough, she didn't.

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired. How was work?"

"Same old stuff. You? Got off early?"

"Yeah, there was nothing much to do. You wanna eat dinner?" Rachel stood up.

"Sure." Rachel started to walk towards the door. "Rach?" Rachel stopped without looking at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She took a deep breath, looked at him for only a split second then turned her gaze away again. "Yes, I'm fine, Ross."

Ross was doing all he could to make himself believe that she really was fine, that she was just tired, but he had never seen Rachel this way ever since they knew each other. He knew something was wrong and he was starting to worry.

He thought for a bit before deciding to talk again. "I don't think you are..." Ross felt like it was a whole minute before Rachel answered when it was only about five seconds. He saw her bow before she did.

She slowly looked at him before shaking her head. "Okay. I'm not... I'm not okay."

Ross immediately stood up and went near her. "Why? What's wrong? Are you sick?" He was about to feel her temperature but she jerked away from him. "W-what's wrong, Rach?"

Rachel looked at Ross for a split second, took a deep breath then looked away before answering. "I want a divorce."


	2. Chapter 2 - TOW The Revelation

_**CHAPTER 2 – TOW The Revelation**_

"What?" Ross didn't know what he would feel that time. All he knew was that his world was suddenly falling apart. "I don't... I don't understand. What went wrong? Rachel, we're doing okay..."

"No, we're not, Ross. I'm not... for a long time now." Rachel suddenly started to well up. "Look, I love you, you know that, right? More than anyone else in the world... You're one of my best friends and I will love you forever. That's why I can't do this to you."

"Do what?" He was suddenly starting to raise his voice. He didn't know what's going on and this was making him crazy. "Rachel, if you love me, why are you doing this to me? Do you have a problem that you're not telling me? 'Coz we can solve it together." Ross held her. She was already crying and seemed like she was losing all the strength to push him away.

"You don't understand."

"Then make me!" Rachel didn't talk for a long time. "Rache—"

"I'm having an affair."

Ross couldn't move or say anything for quite a few seconds. "What?" Rachel couldn't almost hear him.

Rachel cried harder. "I'm sorry..."

Ross kept shaking his head and still couldn't believe what Rachel just told him. It couldn't be true. Nothing was making any sense. Rachel loved her. She just told him. "That's not true."

"It is, Ross. I love him. And I want to be with him."

Ross didn't know whether he wanted to yell at her or to just get away from her or do anything that could make her feel how he was feeling... how hurt and mad he was... and how he wished that he was only having a nightmare.

"Who is he?"

He didn't know why he needed to know. Something about what's going on was making him think that it wasn't all true. And maybe finding out who the other guy was would convince him that it was.

Again, Rachel didn't immediately answer. And nothing would have ever prepared Ross for the name she said. "It's Joey."

**Back to present time...**

I was still staring at the photo when my 18-year old sister came to my room shouting.

"Emma! Everyone's waiting for you downstai—"

She probably saw me wipe my tears away because she stopped.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I had to fake a laugh. "I just feel bad for having to leave." She gave me a skeptical look. "What?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

This time, my laugh was real. I shook my head. "I just miss Mom..." It was then that her smile slowly faded away. "Hey! Now I made you feel bad. Look, don't mind me okay. Just forget about what I said. Let's just go. They're waiting for me, right? Come on." I tried my best to get her away from my room as fast as possible. And I couldn't help but notice that look she had on the photo I was just staring a while ago and how a tear, almost invisible, fell from her eye.

Then, I started to remember things again... and some of those didn't even happen while I was there... things that were only told to me, in an attempt to make me feel better.

**Joey's**

Joey was reading his script for his upcoming film when he heard a knock. "Coming!" It was Rachel. Her eyes were swollen and she had baggage. She suddenly hugged him. Joey didn't need to ask. He just hugged her back, kissed her head, and did everything to make her feel that he was there and he wouldn't ever leave her.

**Monica and Chandler's**

Monica and Chandler, together with their 14-year old twins, Erika and Jack, just had their breakfast when their doorbell rang.

"Jack, get the door," said Chandler.

"Again?"

"When was the last time you opened that door?"

Jack didn't have any choice but open the door. He was surprised by what he saw. It was actually a 'who.' But the visitor wasn't what surprised him. It was the look on her face that did.

"Emma? Are you okay?"

Chandler and Monica immediately went to Emma. "Honey, what's wrong?" asked Monica.

They all went in. Emma started to cry. "Mom hasn't been home for almost a week now."

"What?!" Chandler and Monica both yelled at the same time.

"I really don't know what's going on. None of us could talk to Dad. He's been drinking non-stop."

"When was the last time you saw her?" asked Monica.

"Just about a week ago..." Emma told them what happened before Ross went inside his room with Rachel. "We also went to our rooms. We didn't hear any fight or whatever. But from the moment I got out of my room, I never saw Mom anymore. I kept asking Dad but I couldn't get any sane answer from him. Aunt Monica, Chandler, you've gotta help me. I really don't know what to do now." Emma started to cry. Monica just hugged her then looked at Chandler who obviously looked puzzled about what's really going on.

**Ross's**

Monica and Chandler went to see Ross shortly after Emma arrived at their place. Jack and Erika stayed with her and tried the silliest things just to make their cousin laugh.

They saw Ben and Ella at their patio when they arrived. Just like Emma, both of them didn't look fine, too. "Hey." It was Monica.

Ella immediately went to hug her and started crying. "Aunt Monica, do you know where Mom is?"

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm sure she'll show up. Don't worry.

"Where's your Dad?" Chandler asked Ben.

"Inside, drinking again."

He patted him on his shoulder and started to walk towards the door. Ella let go of the hug to let Monica follow him inside.

Monica and Chandler found Ross on the bar on their house. True enough, he looked really messed up. Monica looked at Chandler, and with the look on his face, she knew he was letting her talk first. "What's going on, Ross? Your kids are so worried about you. Where's Rachel?"

Ross just looked at her and drank another glass of what he was drinking. "Okay there, buddy." Chandler took away his glass.

"Hey..."

"Ross." Monica decided to give him the you-better-answer-me-now look. As much as she wanted to be subtle, she thought it was the only way she could get an answer for him.

"She's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone? Where is she?" It was still Monica.

"She already asked me for a divorce."

"What?! Why? I mean, are you having troubles? I haven't seen you fight in a long time... What went wrong?"

"She's having an affair."

Monica and Chandler couldn't find the right words to say during that time. But both of them knew that if they weren't going to say anything, so was Ross. It was Chandler who had the courage to ask the question they dreaded to hear the answer to.

"Do you know with whom?"

Ross just stared at them for a long time then laughed a bitter laugh. "With your best friend, man."


	3. Chapter 3 - TOW The Friends ToThe Rescue

_**CHAPTER 3 – TOW The Friends to the Rescue**_

"How dare they do that to my brother? What the hell were they thinking?"

It was the next day. Monica was having lunch with Chandler and Phoebe at a restaurant. She was more furious than she thought she ever could. Rachel's her best friend. They'd been through a lot together. But she didn't think she could ever forgive her for what she did to Ross. Thinking about how mad she was at him when he slept with someone else years ago, she never thought that Rachel would do this to her brother.

"I mean, they have kids! And Ross loves her so much. I thought she felt the same way. Turns out she's still that bitch she was when we were just in high school."

"Monica," interjected Phoebe. "I don't think that's fair."

"Fair? This is not unfair, Phoebe! They're the ones who are unfair! You didn't see Ross. You didn't see how miserable he looked. You think it's easy for me to see my brother that way?"

"I know and I understand where your anger's coming from. But Monica, we don't know what's really going on here. It's not right to immediately jump to conclusions and let your anger blur your judgment."

"Rachel admitted to Ross that's she's having an affair. She told him that it's with Joey. What else do we still need to hear from her?"

"I don't know. It's just..." Phoebe paused for a bit, looking for the right word to use for what she was thinking. "It seems unreal. I don't think Rachel and Joey would do something like this."

"But they already are!"

"No, look. Remember the first time when Joey fell in-love with Rachel? How he didn't want to do anything about it because of Ross? Because he was thinking about what he might feel? Now, why would he do that same thing he didn't want to do before, now that Ross and Rachel are already married, now that they already have a family? And Rachel... she gave up a lot of her dreams to be with Ross. Why would she waste all that by ruining her family now?"

Monica didn't speak. She knew Phoebe had a point. But it was still not enough to convince her that something else was going on. That Rachel and Joey weren't betraying her brother. "People change, Phoebe... even the best ones."

Chandler was just listening to both of them. He decided not to say anything because he wanted to agree with Phoebe. He knew Joey too much and he knew that he would never ever do something like this. He cared about his friends and the last thing he would want to do is to hurt them. But he didn't want to pick up a fight with Monica. He knew her enough to know that he better shut up.

**Joey's**

Joey came out of his room and saw a note that Rachel left. _"Goin' out for a bit. I'll see you later." _He was starting to get worried about her because clearly, she wasn't fine. He could see how much she missed her kids, her old life. But he knew that she needed to choose this life because it was for the better. It was for everyone else's sake. He loved Rachel so much and the last thing he wanted her to feel was this. And it hurt him that he couldn't do anything to ease her pain.

Suddenly, there was a knock. He opened the door. It was Chandler. "May I come in?"

Joey didn't answer. He knew why he was there. Chandler probably knew it by now.

Chandler was just looking at him for quite a few seconds before speaking. "Please tell me that nothing about what I know is true."

"I know you're all probably mad at Rachel and me right now. And I understand. But if you're here to ask for my apology, you won't get it. Because I'm not sorry, okay?"

"How about Ross? And their kids? For chrissakes Joey! Do you know what you're doing? I know how much you love Rachel. I know that she's the reason why you never got married... but that is not enough reason for you to do this!"

"Look, you don't understand. There's a lot you don't know. I don't want you to hate me but I'm doing this for Rachel."

"Joey, Ross is miserable..."

"I know, and I feel terrible! But there is nothing I can do now."

"End this!"

"I can't. I love Rachel more than anybody in the world, Chandler..."

Chandler kept shaking his head. This is not Joey. It was never like him to put his feelings before others. Obviously, he was now. "I just hope you don't regret your decision, Joe."

"I won't."

"You know before I came here... I was so sure that you'll prove me right... that I know you too well to know that you wouldn't ever do something like this. But I was wrong..."

When Chandler left, Joey took a deep breath and let out a sigh. If only they understood, it would be a whole lot easier.

**Back to present time...**

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself." It's probably the millionth time Dad said that to me. Usually, I would be annoyed, but this time I find it really sweet. As much as I hate to admit it, I know I'm gonna miss him so much.

"I promise, dad. Don't worry about me. I'm tougher than you think." I had to kiss him to let him know I've gotta get moving. "I better go. I'm gonna miss you."

"We'll miss you, too."

I hug my sister and brother who're supportive enough to be there before I leave. I get in my car and give them one last look before driving off to college... and go back to remembering those days I've been wanting to forget since it started.

**Ross's**

Emma was inside her room, staring at nothing when her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Emma?"

The voice Emma heard made her heart jump. She wasn't expecting this. She'd been wanting to see her mom for a really long time now and this phone call was enough to make her feel better.

"Mom! Hey, where are you? I miss you so much... please come home..." Rachel didn't talk but Emma could sense that she was crying. "Mom? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, honey... I just... I miss you, too. Will you come see me?"

Emma immediately went to where Rachel told her she was. When she saw her, she went and hugged her so tight. After their hug, she didn't fail to notice that her Mom looked worse than she ever saw her.

"Mom, what's going on? Why aren't you home?"

They sat down before Rachel answered. "Honey, I know that things have been hard for you and your sister and brother, and I'm really, really sorry."

"Mom, you don't have to worry about us, okay? We're the ones who are so worried about you and dad. Dad's been drinking every day since you left. He looks like a mess. And honestly, you look awful, too." Emma noticed that Rachel looked away as she mentioned Ross. "Mom?" Rachel looked at her looking like she already knew what she's about to ask. "Are you and Dad getting a divorce?"

It took Rachel a little while before answering. "Yes." Emma bowed as she said the word. "Emma, look at me." When she did, Rachel saw that she was already crying. It hurt her because Emma rarely did this in front of her. Emma's a lot tougher than she was when she was her age and to see her this vulnerable was one of those things she never wanted to happen. She started to cry, too. "You know that whatever's happening with your dad and me, we still love you very much, right?"

Tears just kept rolling from Emma's eyes as she tried to gather herself. "But, you guys... I mean, why? Nothing's even going on with you two!"

"Honey, there's a lot you don't see. And it's not your Dad's fault, okay? I've been thinking about this for a really long time now. It just... doesn't feel right anymore..."

"How can this not feel right? Mom, you loved each other so much..."

"And we still do... very much... But sometimes, love is not the only thing that makes a marriage work, Emma."

"Mom, love is the only thing that can make YOUR marriage work. You and Dad have been best friends for a really long time now. You've gone through a lot to make things work for you, why give up now?" Emma was starting to cry again.

Rachel didn't want this conversation to reach this point but she thought it was the only way she could convince Emma that it's really not going to work with Ross anymore. She knew that her daughter would hate her for this but she had no other choice.

"I'm seeing someone else, Em..." Emma just stared at Rachel for what she said. Rachel's tears kept rolling from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. To hurt your Dad was the last thing I wanted to do..."

Emma didn't talk for a while to let what her mom just told her sink in her mind. She couldn't believe it. She then started to talk without actually thinking about what she was saying. "With whom?" After taking in what her Mom just told her, Emma couldn't bring herself to look at her anymore.

"That doesn't matter anymo—"

"It does!" Emma saw that her Mom was startled for her sudden raise of voice but she didn't care. She realized she had never been this mad. All her life, she looked up to her Mom more than anyone else in the world. She thought she was so strong for starting her life all over again, alone, after everything she got used to when she was young. She never saw her Mom as someone who would ever screw things up. She never saw this coming and it hurt her that she saw wrongly. "Who are you with now?" Emma couldn't even call Rachel 'Mom' anymore.

Rachel tried all she could to hold back her tears but she just couldn't. "Emma, you have to underst—"

"Understand? You want me to understand? If you're divorcing Dad because you have problems that you can't solve anymore, fine! Maybe I'll try to understand! But this?" Both remained silent for a few seconds. "Who?"

Rachel decided that Emma wasn't going to let this go. "It's Joey." Rachel had never felt this pain her entire life. That look on her daughter's face, like she regretted having her as her mother was more painful than anything she had ever felt. "I'm so—"

But Emma didn't give her any chance to finish her apology. She stood up, left, and never looked back.

**Joey's**

Rachel had been gone for hours and Joey was starting to get worried. Even though this was already happening every day since she moved in, her being gone and not getting back for like a million hours, Joey still hadn't gotten himself to get used to it. He was starting to dial his phone to call her when there was a sudden doorbell. He went up to get the door. It was Phoebe.

"Hi."

Joey just let her in and didn't say anything because he knew why she was there. She was going to question him again for what was happening, just like what Chandler did.

"How're you doing?" asked Phoebe.

"I'm fine."

"Where's Rachel?"

"She went somewhere." Joey was not in the mood to fight over this stuff right now so he thought that it would be better if he just said his side and let Phoebe go. "Look, I know why you're here, all right? I appreciate you coming but I'm just so tired of defending ourselves to people who will never understand why we're doing this."

"Can you stop for a while?" Joey did. "I don't know what went on here before I came but I'm not here to 'question' you or whatever you think I'm going to do, okay?"

"What?"

"Look, I don't know what's going on aside from the fact that everything and everyone seems to be all messed up. But Joey, we have been friends for a really, really long time now. The six of us have been through a lot. I know you and Rachel. And I know that you wouldn't do something like this."

"Something like this? What are you—"

"This affair thing... I just can't picture it. I can't. I'm sorry, but I know how much Ross loves Rachel. She cannot and will not ever do this to him. And you, too! Something's not right and I want to help. What's really going on, Joe?"

"Phoebe, everything you've heard is true."

"I don't believe you."

It took Joey a really long time before deciding to speak. He knew that this is not what Rachel told and wanted him to do. But he knew Phoebe too well. She's not letting this go. And he needed this for himself, too. It was killing him and he didn't know any other way to continue holding on.


	4. Chapter 4 - TOW The Untold Truth

_**CHAPTER 4 – TOW The Untold Truth**_

**Joey and Rachel's**

Phoebe couldn't believe what she just heard. Now she knew why. But she still couldn't bring herself to understand it. She looked at Joey and she knew it was very hard for him. "Honey, you're going to be fine, okay?" She didn't know what else to say.

"It's just so unfair, Pheebs. I don't know why this had to happen. I love her more than anyone else in the world and it's just..." He stopped. "Promise me you're not telling anyone.

"But..."

"Phoebe, please. It's what Rachel wants. It's the least we can do." Neither of them could find the right words to say at the moment so it was somehow a relief when Joey's phone rang. "Hello?" He listened and suddenly the look on his face changed. "Okay, I'm coming." He ended the call.

"What's wrong?"

"Rachel..."

**Back to present time...**

It had been an almost three-hour drive from our place to the university. I arrive at the apartment I will be sharing with a girl who obviously hasn't arrived yet. I decide to put down all my things and lie down immediately on the bed. I hate driving coz it tires me easily. I so want to sleep but after only a few minutes of staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling, my roommate arrives.

"Hi!" she said. She has long hair and a bit shorter than I am. She reminds me of Ella.

"Hello!" I stand up to shake her hand. "I'm Emma."

"Hi, I'm Jill."

I immediately remember my Aunt Jill who I haven't seen in a long time. "Hi Jill, it's nice to meet you."

For some reasons, we immediately hit it off. She's a bit of a talker and the whole time we were talking, I'm more of the listener. Suddenly, she notices the frame with the picture of my family.

"Wow, is that your family? You look so happy." I just smile at her comment. "Is that your brother? He's cute." She even adds.

"Well, he's a pain in the ass."

She laughs at this. "Your mom looks beautiful. She looks exactly like you." I try to hide the pain that suddenly pierces my heart but she still notices it anyway. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just... I just miss her."

**Chandler and Monica's**

It had been more than a week since the talk Phoebe and Joey had. This was the first time she went to Monica and Chandler's since that day.

"How's the family, Pheebs?" Chandler asked.

"They're doing great. I mean, since Mike opened up that school, he's been very busy but we're all okay. The kids are fine, too. They're both growing up so fast."

Phoebe had two kids with Mike. Both are boys. Her oldest, Michael Jr., is already 10 and her second one, Khalil, just turned 8 a month ago. "Where are Jack and Erica, by the way?"

"They're at Ross's."

All three of them suddenly froze at the mention of his name. But it was Phoebe who first broke the silence. "How's he doing?"

"Still terribly. Every time I see him, I can't help but hate Joey and Rachel even more." Chandler and Phoebe looked at each other. Neither of them said anything. Monica continued. "God, just wish I don't run into them 'coz I swear, I can kill them."

"Monica..." Chandler tried to stop her.

"What? They deserve it."

"They're still your friends, Mon," said Phoebe.

"Friends? Do you even hear yourself, Phoebe? They don't deserve to be called friends! Friends don't do something like this—"

"Monica, please..." Phoebe was starting to feel terribly irritated but she kept it to herself. She reminded herself that Monica didn't know the truth and it was normal for her to react this way.

Monica suddenly let out a giggle. "Gosh, I can't believe I thought she's changed. But she's still the best slu—"

"I said stop it!" The last thing that Monica said was what triggered Phoebe to yell. "Monica, that is so unfair! Fine! Ross is your brother. You love him and it's hard for you to accept the fact that two of your best friends hurt him. But you don't know anything! Not even the slightest thing about what's really going on!"

"Phoebe..." It was Chandler. "You guys, this is not the right time to do this."

"Look, Monica. I'm sorry. But this is just so unfair. You can hate Rachel and Joey all you want. I just hope you don't eat your words once you find out the truth." And she left.

**Ross's**

Phoebe went to Ross' place after she left Monica and Chandler's. She found him on their patio staring at nothing. He seemed to have looked better than the last time she saw him. "Hi..."

He kissed her and smiled a sad smile. "Hi, thanks for coming."

"How are you doing, Ross?"

Ross shook his head. "I still don't get it, Pheebs. I thought we were doing okay. We were happy. Everything was great. I just don't know how we got here."

It hurt Phoebe to him like this. She wanted to tell him why. She wanted to make him feel better but she could see Rachel's intention for doing this. The truth would hurt Ross more than what he knew.

"Ross, everything happens for a reason."

"Then what's the reason for this? My family's broken. And I don't think I'll ever get it back together. All I ever wanted was for this life to be more than any of them wished for... I tried to be the best father and husband I can be. But seems like none of those things was worthy enough for her to stay..."

"Ross..." Phoebe didn't know what to say. She had never seen Ross like this before. And it was killing her to see him this way. But she wanted to make him feel that it was okay... that everything was going to be okay and she didn't know any other way to do it but hug him really tight. "You're gonna get through this, okay. We'll always be here for you. You have got to pull yourself together. Your kids are affected by this, too. And I know it's even harder for them. They need you, Ross."

**Joey and Rachel's**

Joey and Rachel were eating their dinner when Joey noticed that Rachel looked sad. "Rach, you okay?"

Rachel gave him a forced smile. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She didn't say anything else and just went back to eating.

"Rachel?" Rachel just looked at her. "I... I know that this is what you want... that you think this is for the better... but... Don't you think it'll be a lot easier if we told the—"

"Joey, no..." Rachel gave out a long sigh when she realized that she's also making this very hard for Joey. "I'm sorry. I really am. I know I'm making this really, really hard for you but I don't know any other way to make it easier for all of them. I'm sorry that I chose you to carry this burden you're carrying now-"

"Rachel..." Rachel stopped. "You have got to stop saying sorry to me, okay? I don't care about what they'd think of me or about what this is causing me. All I'm worried about is you. They're going to know it anyway, why not tell them now? You need them. They're your family... your friends. They deserve to know."

"I cannot let them go through this."

"So you'd rather let them hate you? Rach, that's not what you need right now."

"And so do they. Joey, please. I can't deal with this right now."

"I'm sorry I had to bring it up." Rachel didn't say anything and went back to eating. Joey just looked at her feeling so sorry that she had to go through this and he couldn't even do anything about it.

**Ross'**

The next morning, Ross was about to leave for work when he was stopped by who he saw sitting at his couch. It was Rachel. She immediately stood up when she saw him. Ross felt like it was the happiest he'd been since she left. "Rach." He almost ran to her and hugged her really tight and never wanted to let go.

Rachel broke the hug. "Ross..." She didn't need to force her smile. She, too, was happy to see him. "Where are the kids?"

They both sat down. "Emma and Ella have gone to school. Ben's still sleeping." Ross looked at her. He couldn't believe how much he still loved her in spite of everything that's going on. "I miss you so much, Rach. Please come home."

"Ross..." She shook her head. This time, her smile was gone... and so was Ross'. "I can't." Ross bowed and Rachel felt like something was piercing her heart. She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry." She knew she had very little control to keep herself from crying but she still managed to do it, anyway. "I'm only here to get my other stuff."

Ross stood up and nodded, as if telling her to go on and do what she needed to do, without looking at her. He wanted to tell her how much he needed her... how much he loved her... how much he couldn't live without her. But he knew it was too late. Rachel had made her decision and there was nothing else he could do to change it. It was time to let go.


	5. Chapter 5 - TOW Broken Friendships

_**CHAPTER 5 – TOW Broken Friendships**_

**Joey and Rachel's**

Rachel had just left Ross'. She kept crying while driving her way to Joey's place. She knew it was the last time she was gonna see Ross. After what happened, there was no way he would still want to see her. And if she did, she didn't know what she could do. She just dropped her things in her room and decided to leave again when Joey woke up. "Good morning! Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see Monica." Rachel saw in Joey's face that he was surprised by this. Then slowly, his surprise turned into worry. "I know. She can kill me for this. So if I don't come back in five hours, you know what happened, okay?" She laughed at this but Joey didn't. "Joe, relax. I'm gonna be fine, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, so I better get going." She kissed and hugged him. "I'll be back in two, three hours. Bye honey!"

"Bye..."

Rachel left Joey's apartment thinking about how mad Monica might be at her right now. But she knew that she needed to do this. Monica was one of the most important people in her life. She was the one who helped her start over when she thought that her life was falling apart. Monica's her best friend and she needed an apology.

Without realizing it, her car was already parked in front of Chandler and Monica's house. She slowly got out of it and rang the doorbell. Erika opened the door for her. "Rachel!" She gave her a hug and let her in.

"Hi honey. How you doin'?" Rachel loved how Erika seemed so excited seeing her.

"I'm doing great. I missed you. How come you've never visited in a long time?" Clearly, she didn't know what was going on.

"Ahm... I've just been... busy..." Suddenly, Rachel heard a familiar voice from upstairs.

"Erika? Are you talking to yourself again?"

Erika rolled her eyes and looked at Rachel. "Rachel's here, Dad!"

In a minute, Chandler was already hugging Rachel. "How have you been?"

Rachel hadn't answered yet when Jack appeared. "Erika, let's go!" He then noticed Rachel. "Hi, Rach!" He went to hug her.

"Where are you going this early?" Chandler knew where they were headed but just wanted to make sure.

"Dad, we already told you a million times. We're going at Natalie's," answered Erika. Natalie just lived next door and she was one of the twin's many friends. "We'll be good. Don't worry. Bye, Dad! Bye, Rach!" Erika kissed her father and did the same thing to Rachel.

"Yeah, it was nice seeing you!" said Jack before he and Erika started running towards the door.

After his kids had left, Chandler faced Rachel again. "So?"

"Chandler, you're not mad at me, are you?"

Chandler sighed then shook his head. "No. I probably should but I don't know why I can't." He paused. "I just don't understand, though."

Rachel was wondering where Monica was but she thought that maybe it was better if she talked to Chandler first. "I never wanted this to happen, Chandler. You know that the last thing I want to do is hurt my family."

"Then why did you do this?"

"Because I'm left with no other choice..." She stopped thinking what she could allow herself to say. "If I stayed, I'd probably hurt them ever more."

It was quite a few seconds before Chandler spoke again. "Do you not... do you not love Ross anymore?"

Rachel started crying. She slowly shook her head. "I don't... know..."

Chandler hugged her. Suddenly the door opened. "Honey, I'm hom—" Chandler froze. It was Monica. "What is she doing here?"

"Monica, I need—"

"Get out of here." Monica started walking towards the stairs.

"Monica, Rachel wants to talk."

"I don't have anything to tell her." She kept walking.

"I do. Monica, please..." Rachel was still crying. Monica then stopped and looked at her. "Monica, I'm sorry." This time, Monica wasn't looking at her anymore. "I didn't plan on doing this. Joey and I didn't. Please... Try to understand."

"Understand? Rachel, you want me to understand how easy it was for you to hurt my brother? You want me to understand how inconsiderate of you to give your family a broken family when you know what it feels like to have one?"

"Monica, I've no other choice..."

"No other choice?! You had the choice to pick your family over him! You had the choice to stop it when you knew how wrong this is! You had the choice to do the right thing, Rachel. And yet you chose to go the other way around and ruin everything!" Monica then continued walking away and not once did she look back.

Rachel looked at Chandler. She couldn't stop her tears from flowing. Chandler didn't know what else to do so she just hugged Rachel. "I'm so sorry, Rach. Don't worry. That's Monica. She loves you. I'm sure she'll understand. We just need to give her a little more time."

**Joey and Rachel's**

Joey just arrived from work when the door suddenly burst open. "You're really not ending this, are you?" Chandler seemed really, really, pissed.

"Chandler, please. I'm tired. I have no time for this."

"No time, huh? And yet you had every time in the world to ruin someone else's family! One of your best friends' family, Joey!" Joey didn't talk so Chandler kept going. "And hey, you know what? Monica and Rachel's friendship is over, too!"

"What do you have to complain about? It's not like you're affected or anything! This is my life, okay? I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do about it and you don't have any right to stop me!"

"What do I have to complain about? Everything! Because I care about this friendship and I care about the people I love! And the last thing I want to happen is for this friendship to be broken just because of a stupid reason! Joey, this is not you! What the hell happened to you?"

"Rachel happened, Chandler! I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in this world. And you, of all people, know about that!" Joey wanted to be calm. He didn't want to yell at Chandler but there are a lot of things going on in his mind right now and he couldn't control himself anymore.

Chandler gave him a bitter laugh. "I know, Joe. But is that all of it? You forget everything and everyone else just because of your stupid selfishness?" Joey didn't say anything to this. "What, now you're not gonna talk?"

Joey took a deep breath before speaking. "Whatever I say, you won't understand me. Why waste my time? You can leave, Chandler."

"Joey you cannot do this! Ross and his kids need Rachel! You have got to stop thinking about yourself!"

**Phoebe and Mike's**

After leaving Monica and Chandler's place, Rachel immediately went to Phoebe's. "I just never thought we'd come to this point, Pheebs. I can't believe this is gonna be harder than I thought it would."

"Rachel, why don't you just tell them what's really going on?"

"Phoebe, I can't do that to them."

"But Rach, either way, they're gonna get hurt. The only difference is that you wouldn't need to be facing this alone."

"I'm not alone. I have Joey. I have you."

"Yes, and Rach, you know that we love you so much. And we're gonna do everything we can for you. But we all know that Monica and your family matter so much more to you. And that's okay. I understand. Ross and Monica, they've been with you for more than half of your life. You've been through so much. More than anyone else in the world, they deserve to know the truth. "

**Joey and Rachel's**

"Chandler, you have to leave now."

"I'm not leaving..."

"Chandler, you're never going to unders—"

"I understand, Joe! I understand how much you love her! I understand how selfish you are for not caring about people who care so much about you! I understand how easy it was for you to ruin—"

"No, you don't understand! You don't! You don't understand because you don't know the truth! You don't understand how hard this is for me... how painful it is to watch her suffer and not be able to do anything to ease her pain..." Joey's tears start to form around his eyes. "Rachel's dying Chandler. And she may not make it through another year."


	6. Chapter 6 - TOW The Truth Revealed

_**Chapter 6 – TOW The Truth Revealed**_

I was going through some of my stuff when I see a videotape mixed with some of the books I decide to bring with me. I was going to ignore it when I see its label: "For Emma's 18th Birthday".

I then get the tape and start playing it. I've watched this a million times but I still can't help but laugh at Grandma and Grandpa's message, Joey's "How you doin'?" Chandler and Aunt Monica's 'wrath' about not being able to leave because of me, and Phoebe's original song that she decided to give me as a birthday present. Until now, one of my biggest dreams is still to have friends like them. Someone who will be there for you more than a family member ever would.

Laughing so hard, I forget that Mom and Dad's messages are gonna be up next. Before being able to turn it off, Dad has started talking. "Hi Emma! So, your first ever party is over. I don't know if your party now is still going on but given that you're already watching this, maybe it already is. I just want you to know how much your mom and I love you so much. And that we have no doubt that you're gonna be one of the smartest and most beautiful ladies there ever will be in this world. And that someday, you're gonna grow up just like me—"

"Hey!"It's Mom. "Lemme." The camera then pans to her. "Hi, baby girl. But you're already a lady now, 'coz you're already watching this. You know what? When I had you, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life. You're the reason for the person I've become today and I love you so, so much. You can watch this 18, 30, or 50 years later but you will still be my number one baby girl."

I almost can't see because my tears are flowing non-stop from my eyes. If only Mom knew how much I love her, too... if only she knew that having her as a mother is the best thing that happened to me, as well... if only I've said those things to her before it was too late...

**Joey and Rachel's**

"What?" Chandler couldn't believe what he just heard. Something must be wrong. Maybe his ears weren't working right anymore.

"Rachel has cancer and it's already on its last stage." Joey felt his knees start to weaken as he started telling Chandler the truth. "She didn't want anyone to know... not even me... I just happened to see her come out of the hospital one day so she told me." Joey kept shaking his head, like it was gonna change something, like it was gonna make everything better.

"And th-there's no chance that she's gonna get... better?" Chandler didn't want to hear the answer to this but he knew he had to ask.

"We've gone to every possible doctor we can go to. They all said the same thing. The only thing we can do is to wait."

Chandler had never seen Joey this sad before. Now he understood. This must be really killing him. "But... that can't be... I mean, how come she's never known?"

"You know how busy Rachel is. She kept ignoring and ignoring and ignoring it before she realized it was too late." It was then that Joey started to well up. "I can't believe it, man. I just... I don't know what else to do. I see her go through this damn thing every day. All I want is to tell her that everything's going to be okay. But that's just so hard to do when I, myself, don't believe that anything is ever going to be okay."

**Ross'**

Ross just got home from work when he saw his three kids on the dining table, talking seriously with each other. They didn't seem like they noticed he'd arrived. "What's the deal?" All three of them were startled. Ross chuckled. "Hey, relax." They all gave him a hug. "How are you?"

"We're okay, Dad." It was Ella. She's got Rachel's eyes, which made it hard for Ross to look at her. "You? Thank God you went back to work."

"Well, we gotta eat."Ross smiled. "Speaking of which, have you taken your dinner?"

"Not yet. We were waiting for you," answered Ben.

"You know what? Just eat. I'm not really starving." It was one of those things Ross seemed to have forgotten. He hardly ever ate.

"Dad..." Emma pleaded.

"I'm fine. I'm really not starving. I'll eat when I get hungry, okay?" He tousled Emma's hair before starting to walk away. Emma was supposed to go after him but Ben stopped her.

"I'll do it."

"Please make sure he's okay." Ella sounded older than her age. Among the three of them, it was she who got Ross' 'brains.'

Ben just nodded. He knew his two sisters were depending on him. He started walking and reached Ross when he was already in his bedroom. "Dad..."

"Oh, hey. Is something wrong?"

"None. I just... want to talk to you... if it's okay."

Ross hesitated but decided to say yes, anyway. "Sure." Ben came in. "What's up?"

"I wanna talk to you about Rachel."

Ross shook his head. "We don't have to."

"Yes, we do. Dad, have you seen yourself lately? You're all messed up. I know that this is hard for you, okay? I know that Rachel is your life and that you've never loved anyone in this world like you love her. But it's over now." He paused to think if it was right to say what he was about to say. "As much as I hate to say this, she's already in-love with someone else. You have got to let go."

"Look, I'm trying to, okay? It's not like I'm sulking in one corner waiting for her to show up and tell me she's come home." Ross said this and he knew he was lying because it was all he ever did. Staring at the door, waiting for Rachel to come back... When he spoke again, his voice was softer than ever. "There's nothing more I want to do right now but to get over her." He looked away and saw his wedding photo. "But you know that it's gonna take me some time."

Ben didn't know what to say to this and so he just nodded. He knew his father. Being with Rachel was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He wanted to tell him that it was okay... that it wasn't the end of the world. But he knew he was wrong. Because Ross had made Rachel his world... and now she's gone.

He was already a few feet away from his father's room when he stopped and looked back at him. "Dad..." Ross looked at him. "I'm sorry that this had to happen." He looked down for a few seconds before speaking again. "You know that we're just here for you, right?" Ross nodded. "I'm gonna go now. If there's anything you need, just call us."

**Chandler and Monica's**

Monica was about to leave when Phoebe arrived. "Can we talk?"

"Sure..." Monica went back in to her house and sat down. Phoebe did the same.

"Look, I'm sorry that I yelled at you at you the last time we were together. I hope you understand. It's just that... there's something I know..." Phoebe stopped before she could say what she wasn't allowed to say. "Monica, I know that you hate Rachel right now. But she needs you more than she's ever needed you. I don't know how to explain that to you or what. But she's your best friend. You know in your heart if something's going on."

"Phoebe, first of all, I'm not mad at you so there's really nothing to be sorry about, okay?" Monica paused and thought about the last thing Phoebe said. "But I don't think there's any way that she needs me right now. She has everything she wants with her new guy."

"But—"

"Look Pheebs, you're right. Rachel's my best friend. She's like a sister to me. And so if there really is something going on, besides the fact that she cheated on my brother with one of their best friends, I don't understand – I won't – why she can't tell it to me."

Phoebe knew that Monica wouldn't believe her unless she knew the truth so she just decided to give it up. It was then that Chandler came in.

"What happened?" asked Monica. She could immediately tell through Chandler's face that something was wrong.

"Nothing. Hi, Pheebs..."

"Seriously, Chandler. What's going on?" asked Phoebe. She, too, didn't fail to notice the look on Chandler's face.

"I was at Joey's." He was saying this more to Phoebe than Monica. He knew that Phoebe already knew.

Phoebe already got what Chandler meant. "You already know?"

"Yeah..." Chandler bowed. He again remembered what was really going on and it was too painful. He didn't want Monica to feel what he was feeling but he knew that she had to know. He just didn't know if it was the right time.

The last time Monica saw Chandler looking like this was when they found out it was hard for them to conceive. And this got her worried. "What's going on?" Chandler and Phoebe looked at each other. "You guys, you're starting to scare me..." They both knew it was time for Monica to know the truth. Monica's heart was pounding too fast to be able to talk so she just waited for them to say something.

Phoebe looked away. She couldn't do it. She looked at Chandler, using her eyes to tell him he should be the one to tell her.

"Joey and Rachel do not have an affair," started Chandler. "They only said that so none of us would have to know the truth." Chandler breathed harder to gather some strength. He looked at Phoebe and he saw that she was starting to cry. He then looked at Monica. This would hurt her a lot. He wanted to use some other way so it wouldn't be too much painful for her. If only there was another way... "Rachel is sick, honey." He stopped. Monica's face already changed, hearing only that. "She's lucky enough if she stays for another year."


	7. Chap7 - TOW TheStrengthofTheirFriendship

_**CHAPTER 7 – TOW The Strength of Their Friendship**_

I don't know how long I've been crying when Jill comes in my room. We've know each other for over a week now and I can tell by her face that she isn't sure whether to approach me or just let me be. She also knows me enough to know that she has to choose the former.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I try to smile. "I'm just watching an old video."

She looks at the video and recognizes the people in it through the photo she saw when we first met. "Your parents?"

I just nod.

"Come here." She hugs me. "I don't know what you're going through, but I can see that you're not okay. You're pretty transparent." She chuckles, trying to make the moment lighter. "But whatever it is, you just have to remember that everything happens for a reason. You may not know what it is right now, but eventually, when you've moved on, or you've healed, or you've accepted whatever it was that happened, you'll come to understand the reason for it. Right now, I can see that it's still sad but you know what that means? It ain't over yet. We always have happy endings, Em. It's the only things besides change that's constant in this world."

**Chandler and Monica's**

Monica was in total disbelief. What Chandler just told her could not be true. It was too impossible to believe. "That's not true." It took Monica a long time before being able to say something. "You're just telling me that so that I won't get mad at them."

"It's true, Monica. I'm sorry." Chandler couldn't look at Monica after saying his sorry. He didn't know whether it was because he couldn't bear to look at the pain in her eyes or if she didn't want her to see the pain in his.

"No. That's... That can't... That's impossible." Monica believed that it was. There was no way Rachel was sick. She was one of the strongest people she knew. Strong people didn't get sick. Rachel didn't. She couldn't. "I swear, Chandler. I won't get mad at them anymore... just... just take that back... Tell me it's not true... Please..."

Monica slowly sat down, crying. Phoebe, who had been trying everything she could to control her emotions, couldn't hold it in anymore so she, too, started crying. Chandler felt like he had to do something. But it was too much to handle so everything he could do was stand where he was, hating himself for not being able to ease his wife and one of his best friends' pain.

"Monica, I wish I could. But there's nothing else we can do now. I'm sorry."

"Does Rachel know that you already know?" asked Phoebe. She wiped her tears away. But they still kept flowing from her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she cried this hard. Maybe it was because she'd never cried this hard.

"Joey asked me not to tell her yet. It might make her feel bad and that's not good for her."

"I have to see her," said Monica. She wasn't listening to anything Chandler said. Maybe she was and she just didn't care. Either way, she knew that the right thing to do right now was to see her best friend. "Where is she?"

"Monica..."

"I have to, Chandler. She needs me right now. Please..."

"Come on, Chandler. She's right," agreed Phoebe.

**Joey and Rachel's**

Chandler, Monica and Phoebe all went together. Joey was surprised that Monica already knew. "I'm sorry, Joe. She has to know."

"Joey..." It was Monica. She knew she had to apologize. "I'm so sorry. I thought..."

"Hey, don't apologize, all right? I understand." He hugged her.

"Thank you. I just... I didn't know... I-is Rachel here?" asked Monica. She wanted to see her but somehow she wished that she wasn't there. She didn't know how to face her. Rachel needed her right now and all she wanted was that if she saw her, she could make things better. But she knew she couldn't do that.

As if she heard her name, Rachel suddenly came out of her room. Everyone was a bit surprised especially Rachel. "M-monica?" She looked at everyone. "Chandler? You guys, what's going on?" No one spoke. "Joey?"

Joey shook his head. "I'm sorry, Rach..."

"Wha—"

Everyone was just standing there, waiting for each other to do something. No one seemed to want to do the first move. Chandler looked at Monica and nodded at her. She got what he meant.

"R-Rach..." Monica didn't realize she could move that fast. She was suddenly hugging Rachel like she'd never hugged her before. "Rachel, I'm sorry." All of a sudden, they were both crying. "I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Mon. I just didn't want you to go through any of this."

"Hey, I'm your best friend. You know that, right? You can tell me everything... especially this..." Again, they hugged.

"Hey, may I join in there?" Phoebe was crying, too. She went to the other girls and hugged them both.

Rachel looked at Chandler. "Hey, you..."

"Hey..." Rachel hugged him, too. "You're gonna be okay, all right? We're here for you. No one's leaving you..."

While Rachel was talking to Monica and Chandler, Phoebe noticed that Joey suddenly went out of his house. She slowly followed him so that the others wouldn't notice. When she was outside, she saw Joey sitting down on his porch, with his head bowed and hands together, which made him seem like he was praying. "Joe?" Joey looked at her. "Any place for me in there?" Joey made room. Phoebe sat down. "Why'd you go out?"

Joey shook his head. "I just... I didn't know how to be there without ruining the mood. I've never seen Rachel that happy since she found out about... you know." He couldn't even bring himself to say what Rachel was going through right now. Joey looked away, thinking about the way things were before this. That was a whole lot better. He hated why this had to happen.

"Joey, we all feel the same thing about this, okay? It's hard to look at Rachel and not think about what's gonna happen in a few months." Phoebe paused. It was hard for her to say these words but she had to. Joey needed them right now. She breathed deeply before speaking again. "I'm sorry, Joe. I'm sorry that this had to happen. I'm sorry because I know how much you love her... And I'm sorry because I know that it's not just as a friend." Joey was surprised by this. No one else knew but Chandler. "I know. Come on, it's me. I feel these kinds of things." Phoebe smiled. "It's going to be okay, honey."

**Ross's**

Ross was lying on his bed, just staring at the ceiling. He had no class today. He wanted to visit Monica and Chandler or Phoebe but they weren't home and he couldn't reach any of them. They were probably with Rachel and Joey.

Remembering his wife and his best friend, an intense pain immediately shot through him. He missed Rachel. And the thought of her not thinking about him because she's already with somebody else, somebody else he knew, was excruciating. But he promised himself and his kids that this was not what it's supposed to be. This was not what he wanted. It was painful, all right. It was hard to bare. But Rachel's not only his wife. She was also one of his best friends. And Joey, too. He knew that he didn't want this to be, in any way, the reason for the end of that friendship.

So he stood up, fixed himself and decided to do one thing today... one that would probably change his life forever... one that would make it harder, but somehow better. He went downstairs. His kids were all there again.

"You know what, I don't remember the last time I didn't see you three all together." But he liked what he saw. There were a lot going on in his mind right now but seeing his kids closer than ever made him feel so much better.

"Don't you like it, Dad? We're bonding," said Emma.

Ross nodded then he smiled. "No. That's actually... great. You should keep that up."

"Yeah, we will. Since in about a few days, Ben will be leaving for LA." Ella looked at Ben. She knew Ben had no intentions of saying this to their father yet but she just couldn't keep herself. "I'm sorry."

Ross looked at Ben. "Is that true?"

"Yeah. Gotta get back to work. A man's gotta eat, Dad." Ross just nodded. Ben knew what his father was feeling but he really had to leave. He'd been postponing this for quite a few days now because of what just happened and his bosses at work are already getting ready to kill him anytime soon. "So, going somewhere?"

"Uh yeah."

"Where?" It was Ella.

He actually didn't want to tell them where he was going but he thought that maybe it was better if they all knew. "I'm going to see your Mom."

**Joey and Rachel's**

The five of them wanted to make this day a lot easier than it really was. So Monica cooked a meal and presented it the best possible way she could. They were all having fun and seemed to forget what was really going on for a few moments.

Rachel looked at her four friends and it made her feel a lot better. But she was very aware that the four most important people in her life are not with her right now. She wanted all of them to be together. But she's done being that selfish spoiled princess she was before. She had to think about them and the best she could do for them was not to tell them the truth.

Suddenly, someone rang the doorbell. Joey stood up and opened his door. He was so surprised because the visitor was the last person he expected to see. It was Ross.


	8. Chapter 8 - TOW Joey Tells Rachel

_**CHAPTER 8 – TOW Joey Tells Rachel**_

Ross was surprised with what he saw. He thought earlier about Chandler, Monica and Phoebe being with Joey and Rachel but he didn't pay much attention to that thought. They all knew what was going on and Ross believed that they would never take sides but what he just saw proved him wrong. They were all laughing and having a good time together. Without him. He knew it was selfish of him to think about that but he couldn't help himself. He started to walk away.

Rachel stood up and wanted to follow him but Monica held her arm as if telling her to stay put. Rachel just looked at Joey and he knew she was asking him to go after him. He did.

"Hey, Ross!" Ross kept walking. "Man, come on. Please."

Ross stopped then looked at Joey. "I'm sorry. I didn't wanna interrupt anything."

"Hey, you did not, okay?" Joey didn't know what to say. He knew what Ross was thinking right now. He's probably thinking that they all intentionally didn't invite him to this get together because of what he thought was happening with them and Rachel. He didn't know how to tell him that this was not the case without having to tell him the truth. Everyone already knew but it was still Rachel's call whether to tell Ross or not.

"Look, Joey. I understand. I just... I'm sorry, I have to go..."

"Ross, please stay. I'm sure everyone's waiting for you."

Ross shook his head. "Coming here is a mistake. I should've known better." He was about to leave but he was suddenly stopped by the sight of Rachel.

"Joey? Can I—" Joey nodded and went inside his house. "Ross..." Ross didn't say anything. Rachel wanted to hug him... to tell him how much she missed him but she couldn't. "I..." She suddenly started to well up.

"Rach..." He immediately went up to her and hugged her so tight. He didn't care if Joey was just a few steps away. He didn't care if Rachel wasn't with him now. Seeing her this way, looking so vulnerable was the last thing he wanted to happen. He didn't understand why she was crying but he knew she needed someone right now and he was there. He was gonna give that to her.

This was the last thing Rachel was hoping to happen. She wanted Ross to yell at her, to tell her how mad he was, to make her feel how much he hated her. That would be so much easier. But this. She'd never forgotten what it felt like to have Ross hug her this way. It was still that same feeling of being protected... of having someone who cared and who loved you more than anyone else in the world. It was still the same feeling. And it was hard to resist. But she had to let go.

"Ross..." She was still crying.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Ross suddenly felt the reality of it all. His emotions were blurring his judgments again. And it wasn't right. He'd been trying so hard to move on. He went here to try to let go of the past and accept what's already going on. But one sight of her changed everything... in just a snap like that. He felt like he was back to day one of trying to forget her and move on.

"I don't know what to say..." She paused. "W-we wanted to te-... to invite you. B-but, we didn't know if it was the right thing to do s-so we decided to..."

"It's okay." He was just looking at the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look at Rachel this way.

"No, it's not." This time, Rachel's tears literally shot from her eyes. "Ross, I know I have been such an idiot. And there's nothing more I want to do right now but make you feel how sorry I am for having to do this to you." Rachel couldn't almost speak because of her crying. "I love you, Ross..."

This time, Ross had to look at her. He wanted to make sure that actually happened. Rachel told him she still loved him. He didn't care if what he was trying to do here was to forget get her. She told him she loved him and that was all that mattered.

"P-probably not... not in the same way I did before anymore... but I do, Ross..."

The last bit of hope Ross had about Rachel and him getting back together was immediately gone. Just when he thought everything was falling back into their right places.

"Y-you're one of the most important people in my life, you know that, and the last thing I want to do is to hurt you this way... I'm so sorry Ross. I know it's hard for you to do this right now, but I really, really want you to forgive me..."

It took Ross quite a long time before he could speak. "Rachel... almost all my life, all I ever wanted was for you to love me the way that I love you. The whole time we were together, I tried everything I could to make you happy." Ross paused. It was hard to say these things without having to remember all those happy times he shared with Rachel. It was hard to believe all of that was gone now. "And I'm sorry if everything wasn't enough. I tried, Rachel." He breathed deeply. "Now if this is what you want, I don't want to be the reason why you can't have it. I don't forgive you, Rach. I don't need to. Because I'm not mad at you. I don't think I ever will. I love you. And I think that's all I'll ever feel towards you." He looked into Rachel's eyes for as long as he could. All she did was look back at him and cried. Then, he slowly turned his back on her and started to walk away.

**Back to present time...**

It's been a few weeks since college started and I still can't get used to the fact that I'm in a very strange place with people I don't even care about. Sure, Jill's real nice and I feel like I've known her for a really long time now but that's it. She's the only good thing about college and I don't even get to see her all the time. I want to go home.

To ease my home sickness, I decide to give Dad a call. "Hi, Dad! I miss you. I wanna go home." I hear Daddy's laughter. "It's not funny! I'm serious! It's hard being away from you guys."

"I'm sorry, honey. Yes, I know. You're serious. But, you've only been there for a few weeks. You'll get used to it, okay? Remember what your mom and I always told you before?"

"You've told me a lotta things, Dad."

"About having to be away from the people you love."

I pause. Right. I remember. It's one of those things my parents always told me because it's that thing that they've always experienced from the very start. _"Sometimes, we have to be away from those people we love for us to realize how much we hate being apart from them..." _I didn't say it out loud and I don't understand why. "Yeah. But Dad, what does that even have to do with this?"

"Everything, Em. Think about it."

**Joey and Rachel's**

Everyone had just left and Rachel was sitting on the sofa with her eyes still swollen. Joey just finished the dishes and didn't know whether to come near her or not. As if sensing his struggle, Rachel looked at him and then smiled. It was his cue to go to her side.

"Are you okay, Rach?"

"Yeah. It was nice having them here. I had fun. Thanks, Joe." She kissed and hugged him.

She was smiling but Joey could see that she wasn't completely happy. He didn't know what happened with her and Ross outside. She just went inside the house with her eyes swollen saying she didn't wanna talk about it. That's why even though Joey knew this was about Ross, he didn't want to bring him up because he knew it would just upset her.

"You know that I would do everything for you, Rach, right?" Rachel smiled and just nodded. Joey looked at Rachel and he suddenly wanted to tell her what he'd been keeping from her for a long time now. He wasn't planning on doing this. Actually, it was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do. But he didn't want a day to come when he would regret not having to tell Rachel how he really felt.

He breathed deeply. "Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

He almost couldn't hear her. "Are you tired? Do you... wanna go to sleep?"

She shook her head. "No. I wanna talk to you. We haven't done this in a long time." She held his hands and felt them shake. "Honey, you're shaking. Are you okay?"

He suddenly jerked his hands away. "Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that... Okay, here..." He held her hands and looked directly into her eyes. "I don't know if this is the right time or what but... okay, here's the thing..." He then let go of her hands. "I... I can't... I'm sorry. I can't." He brought his hands up as if surrendering to a police officer.

Rachel chuckled. "Wha—hey. Joe, come on, what is it?"

"Okay. But you have to promise me first that you won't hate me for this..."

"Joey, honey, there's nothing you'll ever do that'll make me hate you, okay? You've gone through a lot for me. I don't even know what I've done to deserve this from you. So, for me to hate you is just... not possible, okay? So... what is it?"

"First of all, I'm not gonna say what I'm about to say because I want you to do something about it, okay? I just... I just have to tell it to you because I'd probably hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't."

"Go on, I'm listening." Rachel didn't know how but she felt like she already knew where this was heading. She'd probably been feeling it from Joey for a long time now but she didn't like to assume anything.

"You know that you have been one of the greatest people I've ever had in my life and having you as a friend is something that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. But I allowed myself to feel something more before and I thought I was able to get rid of it. But it turned out that once I opened myself to this feeling, I never really found out how to get away from it." He held her hands even tighter. "I love you, Rach. I'm in-love with you. I always have. I still am. Whatever you call it." He forced himself to chuckle for trying to put a little humor in what he was doing because he felt like he was about to pass out for it. "And I'm so sorry."

"Joey?" Joey stopped. "Why are you saying sorry?"

"Because this is not what you need right now. And I should've never felt this way in the first place."

"This is not what I need right now? Joe, for the past few months, all I've been having was misery and loneliness and fear and sadness because of everything that's been happening to me. My best friend's been mad at me. My kids hate me. My husband wants to feel the same... I'm scared as hell for what's about to happen to me and you're the only one who's been with me through all of that. And knowing that I will never be alone for anything that's about to come because you're there is everything that I need right now. Look, I know that I may never reciprocate the love that you feel for me but I'll forever be grateful for the day that I met you and became your friend. I love you, too, Joe. And I'm sorry that it's not in the same way, but I do love you... and I know that those words will never be enough to tell you how much I'm thankful for everything you've done for me..."


End file.
